Etiquette for children this summer.

Hello,parents, schools right now are on holiday and we have our children right home. Some of us have the holidays planned out;music school, dance classes,camp, cooking classes etc.
I have mentioned plenty but there are still some we probably over look because we think they are not important! It is always an plus to every parent when their child gains the admiration of other parents and peers due to social grace observed at the right time.
Children grow very fast and before you would say jack! That tiny tweeny adorable baby of yesterday has grown into an awkward teen. So the earlier we teach them,the better it helps them then into graceful adults.

Today, we are going to talk about eating habits:

1. This first rule is VERY important and has to be over emphasised; always wash your hands before and after every meal. 
2. Always make sure you are seated when eating;due to their nature,they tend to be impatient with every thing. So be firm in teaching them how to seat for some minutes when its time to eat!
3. Don't talk loudly at the dinner table.
4. If you are eating on the dinning with other family members; wait till everyone is serves their meal before you start eating.
5. Don't slouch on the dinner table, it makes you look less graceful. Sit upright as it also helps your backbone.
6. If you need something ask the nearest person to get it for you. If it is at the far end;you observe the 60 degree rule which is passing on to the next person until it gets to you!
7. Don't talk with food in your mouth;always swallow before talking.
8. Chew with your mouth closed and keep your lips together. You don't want food debris flying around!
9. If you have to get up during meal;politely ask to be excused and return as soon as possible.
10. Food fights are not allowed on the dinner table,if  you are okay just say so.
11. Take the food on your spoon or fork to your mouth not the other way round. This helps to reduce occasional spills.
12. In between eating,rest your fork and knife on the plate in the upside down 'v'.
13. If need be, try to use your fork and knife, and while cutting your food do your best to keep your elbows by your side.
14. When you are done with your meal, place your fork and knife to the right side with the blade in and fork in the upward position. This let's everyone know you are done with the meal!
15. Parents know that your children learn by observation! Don't just be a talker; you also can learn from this. As the old saying goes" charity begins at home".

Hope this was helpful? See ya on my next episode.

FIGHTING BACK.

So I  have found out that most times, people who  have facades such as being aggressive, nonchalant, saucy, servile, you name it usually have one demon or the other they are fighting from the past!
Today, we are going to see what  past Halima is fighting.

My name is Halima, I'm 19 years old and from Kenya. In my culture, once a baby girl is born, she is circumcised. I have heard about the different forms of circumcision for girls but think the one my community does is the worst.
My clitoris was removed,the major and the minor labia was removed and then sewn up,so the only thing remaining was the urethra and the vagina. According to them, it is to curb promiscuity.

I never thought it anything growing up because every girl in my. Community got it. So, some ten years ago, there was this community clash that led to a massive massacre, we had to flee our village my mum,brother and little sister unfortunately my father didn't make it,he was butchered. We trekked into Ethiopia. We lived in refugees camp until this opportunity from the UN came for refugees going oversea to seek asylum and so I came to the USA when I was 12 with my family.
And ever since I have tried to become someone else because I came to know what female genitalia mutilation was all about,I started wearing this facade because I was ashamed, bitter at my parents for taking this part of me that I would never regain back. I would never know what pleasure comes from that part of a woman's anatomy. Living in a civilised world only made  me self conscious.

I became aggressive and nosy;that was the persona I built for my self. I felt I had to defend every word thrown at me with a sarcastic jab, in that way no one could hurt me again and by doing so I could take control of my life but inwards I was scared, scared and hope less. Indeed, I succeeded in wearing that mask for the next seven years. My friends thought I was a smart ass bitch and so I lived up to it until.............


I entered a competition for models and had to live with these different girls from different background and family  values. I never fit in. I struggled with my facade and that got me in trouble with the girls all the time,but I couldn't tell anyone my story. I gave up on my self and I gave trying to be better.  Tisha, a fellow model came to me and broke through my walls, she talked to me about herself and this is what she said:

I'm a black girl who grew up in the hood and I being through a lot myself, my father was serving a 21 year sentence for murder, my mother was on always in and out of rehab due to drugs,so practically I was on my own. I had to turn to the street because that was the only means of survival that I know. I did stuff  that right now am ashamed of. I was brutally abused, raped and used yet I was determined to crawl out of that awful life and make something better for myself, so I refused to allow anyone or anything box me into a shell. I had my down times,but I refuse to it defeat me. I went online and learnt about new opportunities I could fit in.

I could go on and on but for now it is not really about me but you. You have to make that important decision and take that step to turn your story around because you can't go back  to the past but you can create a future that won't help only but others.

Ever since I  decided I was going to start talking about the ills of female genital mutilation. I looked for organisation that I could partner with in this.
This is me fighting back. What about you??????

EGO.....

EGO.. ....(episode 2 )


After five rigorous month,Adrian was got a job with an financial institution but as a marketer. Guess what? His salary was a meagrely sum of  thirty thousand per month and he was also given a target of  bringing customers that will grow their account by at least  two million. Tough right? But Adrian was more thankful to at least start from somewhere.

So next time he calls mama,he would have good news to share.
"Mama,how was your day ? Mama is about to start a new bout of complaints, but Adrian cuts her off.
" mama,that's not why I called, " he answered. " I just got a new job!
"That's good news my son" her voice is excited.
"God has finally decided to clean my tears and years of  suffering"  in all of these, mama never asked  how much he was making,she only asked where he was working and his job designation. And Adrian never gave it a thought if not for anything,he can be sending home something at the end of the month no matter how little.

And so by the 25th day of the his first working month, requests has started flooding in ranging from helping out to pay his younger brother school fees to money for upkeep, so that by the first week of the new month,Adrian was as broke as a dry desert. Thank God for his company staff bus. So the pattern began to form. Before the end of each month, Adrian must have spent his hard earned salary that so many times, he had to rely on his friend's goodwill.
 Slowly but assuredly, frustration started creeping in. He had planned to save up some money to rent his own apartment. But with the spate of things it wasn't going to be possible anytime soon. Six months into his new job, he was still wearing the only black suit he had, thank God for change of shirts and because of the company's dress code it was hard to detect who wears what.

One fateful day, Adrian receives a call from his parents about a debtor who was on their neck and according to the debtor "after all, they have a son who is working in Lagos. So if he could rally round to help pay the sum of fifty thousand naira, so as to avoid the impending embarrassment.
Sam,his roommate would meet Adrian starring into the space blankly.
" Ol' boy wetin happen, this wan you dey para like this". Adrian sighs and proceed to relate his predicament. Sam listens, empathic towards his friends situation. This was his advice to his friend.
"Before you came to Lagos, how was your parents and siblings faring?, he asked.
" fine,"was the reply.
"Ever since the demands started coming in,has anyone bothered to know how you manage after sending all your earnings home?
" no"
"What if I tell you to stop acceding to every of their whims? How does it sound to you?
Adrian clears his throat uncomfortably " you know I  would be seen as selfish if I say no to them, I'm being constantly reminded that I have a responsibility, that was why they made sure I went to school.
"Wow" was all Sam could mutter because it beats his imagination how someone could think like that. Sam tries one last time. " can I suggest something?.
"I'm all ears", said Adrian.
" what If instead of giving everything you own and even borrow, why don't you divide it in to two whenever they request for money?
"So how are they going to complete the other half? Adrian looks at his friend uncertainly.
Sam looks at his friend sadly " tell me before you were born,weren't they surviving? When you were younger,weren't they solving their issues? "You know," he continued slowly. "If you continue like this,you will burn out and after some time,they would move on to the next person. By then, you must have become a frustrated, wretched and bitter young man. How about you build yourself today so that you can take care of them comfortably tomorrow without pinching money here and there?. As a young man, this period is the most dicey time in shaping how well you will fare. If they see you as been selfish today, so be it. By tomorrow they would really enjoy the fruit of their labour."please take my advice to heart", he pats his friend on the back and then leaves him to ponder over what he just told him.

Do you think his desire to please his parents, would allow him to take this timely advice?  Watch out for the next episode!.

                         EGO...........,.


Hi, it feels good to be back, after some time out. But be rest assured that your girl is back with a bang and definitely here to stay. Hallelujah somebody.
So this week, we are going to be  reading and learning about ego and it's effects. Sit back, relax and learn!


                         EPISODE 1.
Adrian is a 27 year old young man who just finished service and just like every young man had dreams of a better life. After  some months, he moved to Lagos in search of the proverbial '' greener pastures''

Five months later, Adrian had landed a job in a construction company,but he was just a junior staff ,which means; he would have to climb the corporate ladder in order to be truly successful. For now in a city like Lagos, certain pay is just going to keep you at the struggling levels and Adrian is an ambitious guy who knew the pains of coming from a very poor background where going through school was indeed a miracle.

Therefore he became determined to change his family's story by making it in Lagos. After all the family was already counting on him. Adrian was going to buy land for the family, he would build a house for at least his mum for all the sacrifice she made towards his education and being where he is now, he would also place her on a monthly salary of say  #5000-#10000. Then finally he did buy her different types of costly wrappers and shoes to make up for all those lost years. Ehen, now anyone who sees her will now know that finally her sufferings have paid off.

Now note one major problem; in all of these Adrian's needs,dreams and desire took a back seat. How dare him dream when he has a thousand and one family obligations?
And so when Adrian came to Lagos ,he was an already burdened young man who was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Hello mama,how are you doing? This was Adrian calling his mom.
" Ady, I'm fine its just my back that has being a source of constant pain and my that woman that I bought fish from for three months now that has being coming to the house for money.  She lets out a sad sigh in order to convey the gravity of the situation. As it is now, there is no food in the house. I just sent nma to go to that woman we use to buy from to see if she will agree to sell rice on credit for us,when we get will pay her back " That's how it is my son.
There was a deafening silence at the other end of the line. All of a sudden it was as if he was already failing.
"Nna are you still there?

" hmm mama, I'm still here " he replied.  " I don't know I'd there is any little thing you can send to us so we will be managing until you get a job.

The expression on Adrian can best be described as incredulous.
"I will see what I can do " was all he muttered. The line went dead.

Meanwhile, he was still squatting with an old friend from uni, who has been kind enough to house him in his one room self con pending when he would get a job. Where was he going to get money to send home? All these and more plagued this promising young man who has spent four months relentlessly looking for job in order to assume family responsibilities.


Episode 2 coming tomorrow.

PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHT.

So I am about to share one new thing I have learnt. I learnt that sex is not an abomination that should be done in the dark or a mystery that we shouldn't ever talk about! It is created by God meant not only for procreation but also for pleasure and should be enjoyed within the boundaries he has set.

I have also learnt that parents teaching their children about sex would help demystify the  curiosity about it,prepare them for times when they would have to make certain decisions on their own and also make them look forward to it,reduce the effect of peer pressure, minimize the secrecy often associated with youthful relationships which often times may result in grievous mistakes.

Lastly, does it guarantee 100% success? I don't know but it can guarantee your peace of mind knowing that you have done your best, leave the rest to God!

So what have learnt in the past that you are willing to un learn?

PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHT(1)

Have you ever noticed that our level  of curiosity tend to shoot up when we are asked not to touch or do something?
Imagine,you come back home extremely hungry and as you enter the house, you perceive delicious aroma wafting through the kitchen. You are already salivating in anticipation ,only to be given a stern warning that is likely to attract heavy punishment,  not to touch the food!

Imagine your frustration each time your stomach rumble, you look at the food, yet you can not eat it!
The world is a stage, so is human development. In each of  this stage ,we are expected to LEARN or UNLEARN somethings that will push us successfully unto the next one; unfortunately, we either learn half the information or we learn the the wrong one or we don't learn at all! sometimes we learn the life lessons accurately and then we are pushed on to the next phase of our life. This process continues until we get to that phase where we begin to make decisions on our own,suddenly, we find out we know little or nothing about  what we are supposed to do. We then begin to depend on information we glean from others which may not rightly suit our present situation.

The good news about this, is that we never grow old in learning. For us to be able to move on from past mistakes and hurts,we have to go back deep into the years of traditions,ideas, attitudes,ideals,environmental perceptions that WRONGLY shaped us,allowed us to have stereotyped and contorted ideas and belief system that we have held on to from our earliest years till now some of us are adults. It isn't going to be easy trying to unlearn some of the thing we thought were right because they were imposed on us or we learnt them ourselves, it might even look like a betrayal  of ourselves or our parents or even our environment, but like the proverbial wine skin. if we continue with our very old wine skins of how things should be done; then BOOM! you go like a volcano when your very old wine skin can't take in some new and fresh wine.

Lastly can we make conscious effort to learn new things? you may not know until we give it a try! next I would be sharing some of the things I have learnt.

COMING TO YOU THIS YULETIDE!

check our new blog sessions coming to you live in this season of LOVE:

1. SEX  EDUCATION.
2. PENNY FOR THOUGHT.
3. HEART AND HURT SESSION.